Why is she looking at me strangely today?
She finally asked about Timi, I tell her our beautiful never-ending love story, and she looks at me like I’m crazy.
Well, she’s right,
I’m crazy in love with Timi, my Timi.
I come here every Tuesday because Tuesdays are really special. I get to talk to a complete stranger who is now my friend, her name is Mena.
Jola said I needed to talk to someone, and for some reason, she wasn’t qualified. I wondered why she thought she required qualifications to be a friend.
Mena always has a pen, a notepad, and wears black heeled shoes every Tuesday.
So why did she look at me strangely today?
It was Tuesday, and I got a call from Jola, she had a friend coming over, and she had told me about him 3 weeks ago. She said he was tall, dark, and handsome, her usual.
She spoke about him as if he was some kind of God or king, she adored him. I thought it was very weird that she was introducing me to someone who she clearly had a crush on; she didn’t mind, so neither did I.
Jola and her friend Timi walked into the sitting room.
“I told you I was going to introduce you to my best friend, Ugo. She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Jola says to Timi.
“Ahh! Yes! She’s even more beautiful in person. Hi Ugo, my name is Timi.” Timi responds.
It was as if they had spoken about me in length, and Jola had “sold my market” gladly.
Maybe she had gotten over her crush, after all, I mean she was getting married in six months.
Now, Timi was nothing short of what Jola described him to be; tall, dark, handsome.
He wore a pale blue corporate shirt paired with black Jeans. The first button of his shirt was left open, and I could see his gold chain.
For a second, I wondered if it was real gold, it didn’t look real, but what do I know about gold? His hair was like mine a few months ago when I was trying to go natural, but better, it looked healthier than mine.
He looked ‘not so built up,’ just the way I like them and had a little goatee. I thought that was cute because I was getting really tired of the occasional ‘beard gang’ outfit. Timi would have qualified as an ambassador for the famous Cabin biscuit because his smile could light up a room.
And his eyes, those eyes were beautiful. I could see his smile through his eyes.
I caught Timi staring at me occasionally as our conversation grew longer, and I would find myself also staring at him.
I couldn’t resist a fine man and yes! Jola was my best friend.
Timi and I became friends, friends too close for comfort, and Jola was quite excited. We realized that our offices were close by, so we had lunch together.
Sometimes, we would go along with Jola. Soon after, we ditched Jola entirely, and it was just the both of us. I enjoyed talking to Timi as much as I enjoyed eating, and I really enjoy eating.
It became a routine, our food hunts.
Breakfast before work, lunch breaks at Kilimanjaro, and roadside dinner while walking down all the roads in Maitama talking about our future home decor.
It was always centered around black, white, and grey. He promised to paint the bathroom yellow for me.
We never had labels, we were “just friends.”
One year later and Timi is dead.
I died too!.
Not physically, but something in me broke.
Have you ever felt dead inside?
What about crying, screaming for help, and dying slowly as each day goes by?
Have you ever watched your heart tear apart, piece by piece like a faint drizzle uncertain of when the full outpouring will come?
Well, Timi died.
We were on our way to work, and he died. He got hit by a lorry while driving along the Kubwa expressway, funny, right?
Those lorries you see in the ‘Edet goes to school’ book killed my Timi. Edet’s dad had stopped abruptly on the highway, and my Timi saw him, tried to dodge, and ran into a fence.
I’d hate to recap this story one more time because I relive it each time. I see the fear in my Timi’s eyes as he was trying to dodge the Lorry, he tried to protect me and a part of me, thought I was going to die.
I wish I died, I wish Edet’s dad took my life too so I could present the only gold I had to pass on to the afterlife. But he didn’t, all I got was a near-death experience, I was unconscious for a week, just a week!
I had to get back to work.
Getting up every morning was the hardest thing ever because I hoped I would die in my sleep.
I had a better chance of meeting Timi that way.
I would drag myself to my bedroom mirror, it was my favorite thing in the room. It was 5ft tall, and Timi made a joke that it was taller than me, it wasn’t a very funny joke at that time, but I wish I had laughed.
Timi had come to my bedroom a couple of times, we were just friends that had sex every week. He was mine, I was his, and we knew it, forever in this life and the next.
I would drag myself to my bedroom mirror each day, stand in front of it and talk to Timi.
It was like I was invoking the spirit of Bloody Mary, maybe if I called his name three times, he would appear and take me with him. Timi never came; instead, I left.
Day after day, I looked at myself wither in front of the mirror. I heard Timi whispering to my body parts, and they followed him piece by piece. I was slowly disappearing, day 1, 2, 3, 4, 13, 20, 27; I was slowly disappearing.
Day 28, I walked passed the mirror, and I couldn’t see anything. I was excited, I knew Timi has successfully gathered all my parts and was reconstructing them in the afterlife. I was really excited; it was time for my spirit to leave this body so I could meet my real life, Timi; Timi was my real life.
For the first time in 2 months, I was genuinely happy, I ran to the kitchen and slit my wrists, it was the easiest and most painful way to die according to my research. I wanted to feel as much pain as Timi did. It hurt, and I loved it so much, it made me feel closer to Timi. I sat on the floor, watching my blood spill, and I passed out.
That’s all I remember.
People called it a miracle when Jola walked in on me dying. I call it stupid, what was she even doing there? I told her to stop checking up on me, she should have just let me go. She knew Timi, and I promised each other forever, and in the afterlife, she knew everything, so why couldn’t she just let me go?
Every day I pass by my mirror, I see nothing. I have no image because my Timi has me; he has my body in the afterlife. I still hear him calling my name in the dead of night, I know I just need to get my spirit out of this body.
I need another way out.
I need to die again!