Letters to Will

Love

What better emotion can you feel?

You feel it in joy

You feel it in tears

Amidst the hate, love is still buried deep.

 6 feet under, with or without reach, love lingers.

I loved you, I still do.

I loved the smiles,

I loved the joy,

I loved the tears

I loved the mystery

I love the fear we both felt when we knew we loved each other.

You felt it, I know you did.

I saw it in your eyes the last time you kissed me.

Beneath all that skin evaporating hurt,

Why did I still feel more love?.

Why did I want more?

Guessing pain just didn’t know how to be felt or expressed.

I still feel the love.

Closing my eyes, I see the kisses we once shared, hear the stories we told each other, your voice still echoes when I close my eyes.

Do you remember the cheesy notes I wrote to you that day? I guess you still have them, I do too.

Can you still recall the last episode of “How I met your mother’ we watched together?

I doubt you do, well, neither do I, but I remember how loudly we laughed to Barney’s jokes

All the while, scrambling for our second Chicken Sandwich. It was epic, as usual.

Remember our late nights walking down that empty road talking about things I can’t even remember? Sounds like a cheesy high school movie, right? Those nights meant the world to me, I looked forward to each night. Do I hate myself for still looking forward to them?

I hated the arguments, I’m sure you did too.

I loved our jokes, I still do. Sometimes, I say them to myself and laugh all over again, it makes me think of you, and I like that.

I like to think that we were in love. I still am because these feelings never go away. If you saw yourself through my eyes maybe, just maybe you’d understand why I loved you so deeply. I have always thought love was a fairy tale, a forever ever after but maybe it’s not, maybe love is living in the moment and when the moment is over, living in its memories. You know when people laugh and have tears rolling down their cheeks? Maybe that’s love.  Maybe I am getting it wrong, maybe, maybe.

Knowing you have your own person, who would be your cheerleader irrespective of the season? Maybe that’s love.

I felt all these with you, I felt love with you.

It was funny when we made all those rules: no kissing, no staying late together… and broke them all the next day. I don’t regret any of that.

Can I ask for one more kiss, one more drink, one more chicken sandwich, one more walkthrough that lonely dark road, and then another, until the one mores add up to infinity, and we have a lifetime of each other?

No?

 Yes?

Maybe?

One thing I know is that love is forever, even when you’re gone, even when I can’t feel your touch anymore or you’ve found someone new with whom your heartbeat syncs, I would always have these memories engraved in my heart, always and forever. As friends 😉

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