It is the moment of truth.
Every time I reach for the envelope, my fingers cramp up. This is mostly because, whatever I find there could alter the relationship I have with Kefe.
What if its nothing ???
Maybe I should trust Kefe
After more than an hour of trying to work and failing, curiosity finally got the better of me.
It turns out, I was just paranoid.
The report showed pictures of Kefe either at work or at Chike’s hotel. Nothing shady or suspicious.
At least I can finally focus on other crucial matters.
I woke up early today, which is unusual for me because Sundays are my sleep-in days. I don’t want to fight today with Kefe. I just want to go to church and then to see Jidenna.
“ Babe, it’s so early, where are you going”
“ I didn’t want to disturb you, I’m going to church”
“ Seriously Uju where are you going?
Uju, I think I’m hallucinating, I thought I heard you say, you are going to church”
“Stop being silly”
“Wow, you are serious. Why?”
“ I have an appointment with the pastor…”
“ Okay, that makes sense, come back early and don’t give away too much”
“ Kefe, you of all people should know how to respect other people’s beliefs”
“ It was just a joke Uju”
“ And it was not funny”
“If you were not on your period, you would laugh”
“What!!!” I threw a pillow at him
“Will you be back before lunch”
“ I’m going to see Jidenna”
“Cancel that, I want to take you somewhere special” Kefe got up from the bed and walked to me
“ We could do dinner”
“No, it has to be lunch”
“ Let’s not start today Kefe, I haven’t been to Jidenna’s grave in over two months because you always come up with one excuse or another to stop me”
I need to talk to someone about this whole video thing, something about it keeps nudging at me, and because I know it’s probably paranoia, I want to unburden myself.
I thought Kefe would eventually understand
I was wrong
“Uju, Jidenna is dead, I think it’s unhealthy for you to keep going there. So after church, come straight home okay? “
Kefe gave her a kiss on her forehead as he said with a note of finality
It was a warning, I could sense he was warning me to not bring it up again
Well, not today, mister!!!
“ Irikefe, please let’s not argue over this, baby don’t be insecure, you are much more of a man, and I love you” I smile as I try to kiss him
That did not work
“ Don’t try to patronize me, I’m not insecure, I just think that you don’t think straight whenever something has to do with Jidenna, so I’m gonna make decisions for you, and I said don’t go”
“ You think I’m stupid? ” I said trying to sound hurt
“ Uju don’t play that card, don’t pretend to be angry so I let you go”
“Now, you think I’m manipulative? ” I tried again
“Well, if the shoe fits” he challenged
“ Well, that was worth a shot” I smiled at him. Why did I have to marry a psychologist?
“ I’m going, deal with it, I love you” I took my bag and car keys and ran down the staircase, deciding to ignore the grunts I hear from upstairs.
How do I explain my faith?
Truth is I like to believe I keep an open mind so I understand the need for a higher power and so times I am almost convinced to believe it because then there is someone to blame for all my inadequacies and failures. But I just can’t stand that fact that things are not within my control.
So while I don’t believe in it, I believe in a lot of things they stand for, and that has always been enough for me.
So what happened today?
I drove to church today happy, not just because I get to meet Jidenna, but because of my meeting with Pastor Daniel. I chose Pastor Daniel not just because of his fellowship but also because I’m hoping that with his endorsement, I can attract the influencers in his fold.
So staying for two hours in church seemed like a not so difficult sacrifice to make for the big picture.
Except it was not what I was expecting.
What was I even expecting?
Definitely not 1st Peter 1: 3
Is it really that simple
Pastor Daniel said something that moved me
“ How can you live without hope, you can’t, you sleep hoping you wake up after a while, you plant, hoping you reap even a little, it is the foundation of our motivation to live and excel.”
He kept talking about how our hope is freely given, and all we have to do is receive and accept. He kept saying
Will you accept?
I spent the remaining time with dissatisfaction in my heart
Is it really that simple?
My meeting was short, so short, it was almost like Pastor Daniel dismissed me. It took less than two minutes
“How are you Mrs. Egware, how was the service”
“ Oh it was something Pastor”
“ I read through your proposal, and I am interested but there are conditions that come with my endorsement, Let’s set up a meeting for next week Sunday, after church so you can formally present your ideas to me and some of the people in the church council”
“ That’s fine Pastor”
“ I’m sure you are busy, see you in church next week” and he was off
I wasn’t even angry I just went to Jidenna’s grave in my confused state.
I had only started speaking to Jidenna for five minutes when I got a call from Boma
“ Hey you, you should come to the hospital now”
“What, why, which one”
“LUTH, its Andrew, he was in an accident”
“How is he”
“I think He’s dead”