Hi, my name is Mae and I am a phat girl.
I used “phat” because those girls in that movie were damn sexy. In the words of Fela Kuti “if you call her woman, African woman no go gree, she go say, she go say I be lady oh” btw I actually sang the song in my head, haha. Now, let’s go back to the main point and yes! I am a sexy lady, at least in my head I am. Talking about “sexy” I try to find a balance when saying “ungodly words” in people’s opinion, so, if this offends you, I apologize *fingers crossed*.
Okay, so I have digressed way too much from the main point here.
I’m in a constant struggle to lose weight. I love my body today and tomorrow I’m baby Yokozuna. I don’t know the balance between “hey girl it’s okay to grow bigger because you’re getting older right?” and “why do I look so fat today? why can’t I be skinny like the other girl who models for Victoria Secrets?” btw that girl is Kylie Jenner and she looks amazing. I guess that’s not the point right? but hey, it’s okay to be “not-skinny” and not have thigh gaps and all those skinny girl things we think might be really amazing to look at. it’s okay. But, damn! Kylie’s body is it, that’s the kind of skinny I’ve always wanted to be. I want all my clothes to fit well and wear those really large clothes and they look great on me. imagine wearing really large clothes now. hahaha, lol, Lmao.
2 cupcakes, 1 apple crumble and 2 pieces of cake later, I’m still praying to God that even though I eat all this food, I wouldn’t get fat. oh! so now, 3 pieces of cake because I’m about taking Ola’s second one. Don’t get me wrong, I love my body and I guess Kylie loves hers too as well or not. I’d never really know that. I think that’s my main point I’ll never really know anyone’s weight struggle and I really think everyone has a struggle; whether it’s to add little weight or a whole lot, none at all or shed some part/all of it, technically you can’t shed all of it or else you’ll be dead. Amidst this whole weight struggle thing, the only real struggle is striking a balance, you want to loose weight and you get to your goal, you want to stay at that point; no 5kg more no 5kg less- that’s the balance I’m talking about.
I must really applaud anyone who has read up to this point because this post is getting really long.
Last year, I wanted to lose weight so much, I posted on twitter and apparently a lot of people felt the same way, my friend made a group chat on twitter more like a support group. I registered in a gym and took my diet seriously, I even paid for swimming classes. It was all good till I got a job and I had to take my life seriously, my side hustle, my relationship (which is non-existent btw), reading, and all that really hectic life stuff. I went to the gym everyday, went swimming on Saturdays, tried to eat really healthy; did I mention I had a one month Keto diet at first, lol, that’s a post for another day. The point is that I struggled with juggling work, fit-fam life, reading and real life in general. I kept asking myself “is this all worth it?” “why can’t I just pray the fat away?” but really though, striking a balance is my main problem. So now, I go swimming once a week and I can’t really remember the last time I went to the gym – sad part is that my money is going- , I now plan on buying Garcinia Cambogia (I probably will never buy it) . I figured loosing weight isn’t even my priority right now so I can’t be bothered at the same time, I can’t watch myself add so much weight because I still have to be a baby girl while making money moves. I need to find a balance. I haven’t found it yet but I guess I’m getting there, one step at a time, right?
One step at a time.